Author Topic: A long lost lurker  (Read 2319 times)

Offline Soveilion

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A long lost lurker
« on: February 09, 2016, 06:44:57 PM »
The last 5 years for me has been a rollercoaster on many levels: military service, education, failure, a crazy mother in law and more.
Since it's been ages since I have had any chance to be active in any way shape or form in... well... I just want to get this off my chest, regardless if anyone will ever read it ^^

tl:dr - I am venting... a lot, just pass by this thread if you are feeling down I guess.

For those of you who have happened to stumble past my new introduction post that happened some 4.5-5 years ago(2011) you will probably notice I were a lot less chatty than I were back in the "good ol' days.
I think it all started when I were enrolled into the military, and had my free time reduced to around 0, (for anyone that has done boot camp/basic or similar, they will know why).

After boot camp were done, I were sent to a "course", depending on where you decided to serve, (in my case, I ended up in comms,) this is roughly around the time I made my new introduction, (I think) as this were sent from a "public", computer at the military base, as my own computer had crashed down roughly a month before enrolling, (though we will come back to that).

I didn't have lots of free time, but enough that I felt I at least could spare a few hours, at the end of the day to watch some series or something, (when compared to the first 2 month's an hour or two of spare time felt refreshing.)

As soon as the coursing ended, so did my free time, I had 12 hour shifts in 2+1, and literally slept my whole week off. 

Fast forward 7 months and it were time for my leave(winter 11/12).

In all honesty I had grown accustomed to the job, and the social community around it, so I thought I'd give my chance on getting a permanent job.

I applied, but had no specialization or education, (besides the military service), and they really wanted me to do general studies + math's/physics rather than extend my military service.

I thought about his for a while, and came to the following conclusion: The upside would better pay, larger job-scope and a free education (bachelor), but the downside is I would have to go through nato-tests (again).

Nato tests in themselves aren't that bad but this time I had to do them with officer grade limits: To mention a quick one, that means I have to run roughly 3 minutes faster on 3000m (12m:45s) as max time from (15:00) which is the normal soldier limit.

All in all I thought the benefits outweighed the downsides.

Needless to say, I needed a pretty hefty training program along with my general studies to even have half a chance of making it through.

I thought I would make a proper training program for myself, and follow/improve that meanwhile studying.

This is around the time when I make the biggest mistake, I could've made- As I were literally broke and my father lived close to a school that offered general studies, I opted to live there for the moment.

It would take roughly 20 minutes both ways with bus, while it almost took a full 5 hours both ways with bus if I stayed with my mom.

I didn't really find it an option at all, rather than a necessity for me to chose living with my father instead.

Though what I could've never imagined, was that slowly but surely as I lived there, my mother in law would go from sweet and caring, to batshit crazy (and I'm talking Higurashi crazy here). 

It started gently with that I couldn't sleep any later than 07:00am, ANY day of the week regardless of situation, because at 07:20am sharp, it was breakfast.

This were, but the start of a strict routine, that were followed with extreme scrutiny: I even recall a time I were sick, where she moved my puke bucket from my room, down to the kitchen, just so she could have "company" while she ate breakfast... didn't even move half a hair on her head, that I were puking right next to her.

Some context here though: My father started work extremely early in the morning, and would usually work in the marina in the evenings, so I rarely if ever saw him, save for a few weekends.

This which made things worse, as I were half afraid he wouldn't believe me, and half guilty I were freeloading.

Next were the house "rules" she would set up: It could be as general as washing of the hands, to which days of the week that one could eat, certain kind of foods.

Suddenly she found out of nothing, that being on the computer was bad, regardless of if I used it for homework or games.

She even went as far as canceling the wifi subscription, and buy a mobile broadband unit, (usb based) so she could "monitor", when the net where being used (as I mentioned earlier, my computer were broken, and I were mostly using my dads ancient laptop for schoolwork, and well... porn as that were the only 2 things working on it).

This was around the time I fully realized how my social network really revolved around the internet, and not around the block, I were a full fledged otaku, literally an hour car away from anything reminiscent of a city; literally no money; and no one in a mile radius that I could talk to, but a mother-in-law I'd rather be with a mile radius away from.

I could probably write a novel about all the shit I endured but... long story short I broke down after one and a half year(winter13/14).

Roughly half-way through math's/physics, I decided that I'd rather stay with my mom at least for the last half year, despite having almost 6 hours total travel time from the nearest uni, that had a math's/physics course.

Another thing I would like to add in, is I tried during all this time to get a job, I literally applied from anything between washing floors, kindergarten-assistant, mall worker, you name it, but I live in a small... let's call it town.

Needless to say, I were one in probably a few hundred among the applicants, to the ~20-30 jobs posted a month that I could reasonably manage in concordance with school, (I even applied for a factory-line job that would net me with roughly 3 hours of sleep total weekdays >.>).

My day now: 15 mins from home to bus-station, 2 hours 28 minutes bus, another 12 minutes of walking from the bus station to school, and then 6-8 hours of school- and back again. I probably don't have to tell you, training went down the drain from this point on, with a breakdown and days not having enough hours in them.

Still after all this, finally, I got to go to military selections(summer 2014):

Leadership - top score, nato tests - all passed, First aid - best in class, hell week - we started with 270 aspirants, 42 now stand left, me being one of them.

At this point I thought, I could finally get back, to  what would be the last time I could remember, enjoying my everyday life, only to get told this EXACT message "Well, we don't think you fit for the job, we may be wrong as everyone else, so you are welcome to try again next year".

I think it took me the full bus-ride home, and almost 2 weeks, to realize just that he had literally told me: "you passed everything, but apparently someone, somewhere, somehow, did not agree with neither the pre-emptive tests, nor the hell-week tests, tally ho".

I had actually also applied for uni that year, but I kind of lost all motivation for everything, and declined.

The next year I used "literally", to scrape together what little I had left of, well... anything.

As I mentioned earlier, my computer had shut down, during the stay at my mom I didn't really have that many hours left at the end of the day, to really spare this a second thought, but now that I were a true freeloader, I could at the very least, get the contents on it.

What I didn't know, was that the HDD had a firmware error, I ended up paying having to pay roughly 1100$, to get back, what I considered as the remnants of my "life".

I did manage to get a job though, (finally) my mom works in the social sector, and I occasionally would help them with some computer problems: The firm weren't originally planning on hiring, but one of the manager's thought I had a good touch with the "tenants", and decided to give me a "support person" job, (literally show up some times a week and talk to them, go to the store with them and things alike).

What follows next, is the slowly but surely piecing of... well the rest of the years not aforementioned in this post, and see if I could scrape together, but a fraction of it at least.

I managed to at least get some of my bookmarks back, some old anime, some hentai <3 and other personal stuff.

It's also the start/continuation, of the most toxic friendship I have ever had.

The first thing I did, after getting my hard drive restored, were buying a new computer, it had been longer than I dared think about, since last time I used one other than prints/fixing/work, and even longer, since I held one I could call my own.

This were of course on a limited budget... and I didn't really have any space left over at all, from the recovery of the last hard drive.

I quickly found out, I hadn't internet good enough, to stream properly on either, leaving my animu on yet another hold.

At the end of the day, I think I had roughly 26 GB of space left on my comp, and I really needed something to get my minds off everything.

I wanted  a time sink so huge, I could pour all my free time into it!

One of the first things I did, was renew my WoW membership, I used to play literally hours, on hours of that game, and thought it would be a good investment.

Leveling 3 toons to max level later, in the course of a week or so, I realized that I didn't really like the game as it was, it missed something...(whether this was because MoP was truly horrid, or because of the players, we may never know :P.)

Personally, I felt it were the players I were playing with, I had been enjoying spending time with other people killing internet dragons, not killing internet dragons in themselves.

Also quick note, my last login prior to this(aug/sep2014) would be roughly (november2010) I literally went from WOTLK to MoP, I can't remember whether or not RealID had been released yet, but I had kept most of my friends in the normal friends list, and it took me almost a full month, to come in contact with but a small fraction, of all the people I knew, through various channels.

This were also around the time LoL, and CS:GO, were extremely on the rise, I think they doubled their player base on a monthly basis for a while, and MoP being,  well... MoP I drifted ever so slowly, towards the hype train that is LoL.

I did however try to log on daily, to see if some people on my friends list would log on so I could get their RealID, or at the very least info on where people have gone.

I eventually got a bite, and found out that at least some of my fellow Norwegians, had done not one, not two, not three, but FOUR server changes in the meantime, meaning that it was sheer luck I ever managed to get into contact with any of them at all.

I opened Skype again, and awaited to talk to what I would call "friends", and those that actually share my hobbies, in what felt like a lifetime.

Most of them I had previously gone to high school with, while one person in particular, were literally a friend of a friend, who coincidently had ended up in the same class as me in my 3rd year.
Literally everyone else, I were happy to hear the voice of, but him.

For clarifications sake, I am going to refer to him as Problem Child, and with good reason, though he is more pathetic, than sad.

The best way to describe him, is the current grand master of both throwing rocks in a glass house, and a liarholic, (which makes him EXTREMELY hard to be around.)

He is the kid that knocks you over; grabs a rock; throws it at your face; pisses on you, and sees nothing wrong with that- but mention one tiny detail, may it be that he looks genuinely tired, and you need to pamper his sorry ass, for 5 hours to make him stop crying.

He is a sad case, in that he lost his parents early, everything beyond that point I can say nothing positive at all, he behaves like he is 8 (he is 23) and thanks to naive child custody care managers, has never had a consequence, for anything he has ever done, as far as I know... he has literally talked his way out everything, his whole life.

Having a social circle again though, were very nice, despite the fact that Problem Child, has chronic mouth diarrhea.

Though it is never spoken, it is a general consensus, to just accept his shit and feel sorry for him (which we will get back to).

Anyways, with us actively playing I found it reasonably bearable, to listen to Problem Child most of the time... he can get over the top from time to time, but I am just thankful that I can actually talk about a hobby I enjoy with likeminded people, it makes it sort of cancels each other out.

In the end, this is taking a toll on me in the long run, as I am pouring literally all my free time into the game... I also find myself getting more, and more aggravated about hearing shit about me, for every single playing minute.

At first, I try to avoid the game, and Skype altogether for a few days.

I started to read a few mangas (Claymore, Rurouni Kenshin, Rosario to Vampire and Code Breaker to name a few).

In the end, I found myself in a spiral of wanting to discuss games, and not wanting to hear Problem Child.

So one day I get enough, or forget myself, whatever- and tell him "you have been rather aggressive lately, could you tone it down a little" in a calm mannered voice.

It takes me no less than 3 seconds, for me to realize who I had said it to, and that he is now crying, he does his best to hide it in his voice, but he is literally 3-year-old-just-lost-his-icecream-mumbling, by this point.

I have no idea how many hours it took me to get him reasonably fine again, but it took him less than a week to return to his same, old self, and bashing on others again.

This happened SEVERAL times: I make small remark; 5 hours pampering; less than a week just as bad, and I think I resign internally, at some point from ever trying this again, at some point.

As I am regularly reading manga, I also read updates on ANN, SankakuComplex, Hongfire, and feel the abstinence for animu creeping up on me.

Come Christmas, I find a external hard drive 1tb that's 70% off, and needless to say, a bit torrent and IRC client were downloaded that day.

The first thing I wanted to do, is check on my wish list on AniDB, and start from there: Lo and behold Hellsing Ultimate, for those of you that have seen my introductions *cough* will notice it's one of the series I rated quite high, and had some hype towards, that it would be very good, (I even watched Hellsing again just to compare.)

That were a rollercoaster I'll talk about some other day.

As mentioned above, and if you take the time to read that rand as well, that were a emotional rollercoaster indeed, so I decided to rather watch something I had salvaged from the old computer, and remembered had gotten good critics.

I watched Code Geass, both seasons, and I had the version with the...[spoiler]The one where you don't see Lelouch smiling at the end, only CC doing her soliloquy... took me almost a month before I investigated further lol[/spoiler] let's call it most open ending.

So yeah I ended up watching only Naruto/Bleach, for quite a while after that, not that I had a lack of episodes (or fillers) :P.

I ended up applying for both the university, and the military, though I have no idea why I did the latter, as I hadn't been training a single minute since last day-a hell-week.

For some unexplainable reason, I didn't even get invited to selections... might've been fate/stay night thehe.

Fast forward to august, and I enrolled uni.

First half year of uni, we got a project each week, EACH week, lasting five weeks, and for anyone who has done group projects, YES I had at one point 5 goddamn projects in a single week, and 5 different groups, each with 4 different people, plus me.

That the "only", time the groups were able to meet, "happened" to be Wednesday 12:15-14:00,(because that happened to be the only "dead" school time we had, as classes started 14:15), anything beyond that it were: "hard to fit into people's schedules", god I hate people sometimes.

This took quite a toll on me,(as I usually were the only one working at all, on some of them), so I felt that I were pressured from school, then came home to relax, only to hear Problem Child tell me whatever happened to foul out of his mouth that day.

Come late November(2015) I decided to cut contact completely with Problem Child, even though it would in terms, mean I cut the bond with literally, the only form for hobby talk I had.

I decided I wanted to be semi-professional, about it so I did a solo call to everybody in the circle, and explained the situation, it wasn't before now I could actually, truly confirm that YES, everybody had a silent understanding, to just leave him be.

I talked for a while about my situation, and most of them tried though to give me the guild trip, about how sad it was that he lost his parents.

One of them even said that I should try to "confront", him about it. *sighs* Been there done that, even bought the T-shirt, [spoiler]which were severely drenched in his tears*cough*.[/spoiler]

This half year though, seems to go much smoother, it seems I have gone over the initial "steep" learning curve, and the fact that we have gone from 20, to 2 total group projects this semester, can't but help the fact I guess.

After again a slight abstinence, I decided I wanted to try my hand at animu, besides mainstream again and notices I had a few episodes of Oreimo lying around... and yes I pout, still.

Which leaves me here, it's almost a full 5 years since I have had the chance to talk about animu, with well... anyone, and I can't even promise that I'll stay=/ : Tomorrow is something called "career day", where firms literally gets students, to kiss their feet's in hope that they might grant them a stable job after uni, one of which I hope to be me :P

That in turn, means I have to do "volunteer", work as it both gives experience and shows that you have high morale *rolls eyes*.

So if you managed to brave this wall of text, I sincerely thank you, for keeping up with my bantering for a bloody light novel worth of text :P

Also also, any action based animu's you would recommend?^^

« Last Edit: February 09, 2016, 06:56:21 PM by Soveilion »

If the wordplay \"Curiosity Killed the Cat\" were true id be long dead by now

Offline Phazonreaver

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Re: A long lost lurker
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2016, 10:56:22 AM »
This was a nice read. Hope lady luck smiled on you during those few months.

Offline Slinkey

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Re: A long lost lurker
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2016, 06:47:41 AM »
Seems like you've been through some shite...

Everyone loves a Slinkey! <3
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